Whatever has been said about how men should be sensitive and respectful in relationships applies equally to women. Lust might take different turns with women, because they differ psychologically from men, but it leads them into the vortex of Self equally well.
One of my former pastors, who taught an excellent series on dreams and visions, brought up some interesting points about lust that helped me a lot. He said lust deceives that the object of desire can supply what is lacking in one's own character and personal attributes.
People who make bewildering choices in lovers are seeing in the other person a character strength they envy, but have not developed themselves. My pastor referred to the First Nations people who believed they could absorb the strength of an eagle if they killed one.
Cannibals have believed they could take on the strength of their victims if they ate them. (I guess being respected by cannibals may not work out as one would hope.) Similarly, Lust uses insecurity to hook its victims by deceiving them that they can obtain what they lack in character or talent by becoming one flesh with someone who has the traits and talents that they desire.
For instance, a woman lacking in confidence might perceive a boisterous, controlling man as strong. She becomes fascinated by his posture of having everything under control and gets drawn into his self–centred orbit. Then when he begins to beat her for not anticipating his wishes, she perceives this, too, as strength. Thus they stay together, feeding off each other's weaknesses, (his to control, hers to please), without either of them developing the character they need.
To avoid dependency on abusive men, women need to develop job skills so they are not held hostage to men economically. Developing the ability to earn one's own living, even if a woman decides to stay home to nurture her children, also tends to command more respect from a man, and better treatment, because then he knows that she stays with him by choice, rather than out of necessity. Thus, she not only gains more bargaining power, but the husband also feels more valued.
If a woman is dependent on a man for sexual fulfillment, she had better get that issue resolved, as well, by learning to depend on God to fill the emptiness inside her heart that makes an addict of her. The craving for sexual thrills is really not much different than craving anything else for the sake of self–gratification. We have to learn to feed our spirit man so that it is strong enough to resist the lusts of the flesh. Pressing into God to develop deeper intimacy with Him is the means of gaining that nourishment.
When we find ourselves attracted to someone unsuitable, i.e. already married, contrary to our taste, differing values or divergent interests, seriously lacking character, etc …, we need to look at them objectively and isolate the attributes we feel attracted to. Then we need to humbly admit our deficiency to God and ask Him to help us develop those strengths.
For instance, women who dote on men in uniforms need to ask God to help them develop their power drive and gain authority without riding on a man's coat tails. Women don't go ape over postmen and bus drivers, though they wear uniforms. Obviously, it is not the uniform itself that makes a man seem like a god to these women. It is the authority and power that goes with it. Authority and power are God–given drives that need to be developed to be used in ways God approves of, which is to help others, not to control them.
I was so surprised when my pastor preached on the various drives that God gave us, particularly when he came to the part of his sermon about the power drive. Until then, I had thought it was not godly to want power. I thought that it was contrary to being meek.
I was freed from my apathy and passivity when I realized that Christians actually have God's permission to seek power, for the sake of using it to help others, as long as it is gained in ways that God approves of. This usually means through serving others, but not in a servile way. People don't respect someone who is ingratiating. They respect confidence that is based on demonstrated abilities.
If a person is good at something, it is false humility to be modest about their ability. We should be quick to step forward and offer our services when we realize that it is God's timing to use the gifts that He has given us. If it turns out to be a springboard to more responsibility, then we need to gear up to handle the greater responsibility. After all, we don't want to be like that guy in the Bible who wrapped his talent in a napkin and buried it, and be rebuked by God for not using our talent for the gain of His Kingdom.
People might already have some portion of a character strength, but envy another their higher degree of that attribute. For instance, I noticed that, as far as I was concerned, a sense of humour in men compensated for a lot of other things they lacked. More than it should have. I overlooked some really serious flaws when a man could make me laugh, particularly before I was saved and used to hang around with a rough crowd. I have noticed that a lot of people have a weakness for people who can make them laugh. It seems to be one of the unicorn's distractions.
One of my dear friends was attracted to a man whom I could not figure out what she saw in him. Well, okay, he had more money than her, but his character flaws were so glaring that they did not compensate for any material gain, and he was as homely as a mud fence. I used to feel like puking when I saw him run his hands over her hip and lick his lips like he was sizing up a side of beef. He was not a subtle, classy kind of guy.
I asked my friend what she saw in him. She was pretty and had a slim, lovely figure. She is also smart, hard–working, and kind–hearted; the sort of woman who should be treated like a princess. She laughed and said it was his sense of humour. I was dumb–founded. I thought his dirty jokes were stupid, but my friend wasn't a Christian, and she had a rather salty sense of humour herself.
He ended up being not so funny. In addition to being a cocaine addict and somewhat of a lunatic, he threatened my friend with violence when she wanted to break up with him. She stayed with him longer than what she wanted to because she was scared.
Finally she got up the nerve to make the break, though I think she just eased off in the relationship, so that it would not be too much of a shock to him be told that she didn't want to see him anymore. She sold her house so that she could move into a place that had near neighbours, in case her ex–boyfriend attempted an attack. He tried to set his biker friends onto her to gang rape her, but they knew she was too good for him and refused to do his bidding. He threatened to murder her and her child and her sister and the sister's family. I think that he would have done it, if God hadn't stopped him. The man accidentally killed himself when he was doing something illegal.
When my friend's brother lamented about the man's death, I could not share his grief. Oh, I felt sorry for the man because he probably went to Hell, considering what he was doing when he died, and how suddenly he died, but I figured that it was better that he was out of the way where he couldn't murder a bunch of innocent people. I reminded the man of what an idiot his sister's boyfriend had been when he was alive. I didn't want to be a phoney and pretend that I had liked the guy better than what I had, just because he was dead now.
The brother seemed to think that having a few beers and some laughs with a person was good enough as a basis for friendship. He shrugged in a self–righteous way that said he thought I was too hard on the guy, and made an admiring remark about how skilled the guy had been at his job. I gave him a blank look and said, "Did you know that he put a gun in your sister's mouth, and that he threatened to kill her and her child?" The shock on his face indicated that his sister had not shared that information with him. I hope that he learned to not rate job skills, a friendly manner, a shared taste for beer, and a sense of humour too highly when he assessed people's character.
After nearly being murdered by the unicorn, my friend realized that she had very poor judgment in regards to men. A lot of people had been able to see that for many years, but she had been very blind to her boyfriends' faults and deaf to her friends' assertions that she was worth a lot better. She wasn't ready to surrender her life to Yehoshua and live to please Him, but she realized that she needed God's help.
She lifted her eyes and humbly asked Him, "Please, send me someone who is good, before I go and do something stupid again." God meets us where we are at, and He gives grace to the humble, even if they aren't saved yet. He answered her prayer quickly and sent a much better man to her, with whom she has peacefully shared a home for more than a decade. This man likes to laugh and joke, too, but he is gentle, sensible, kind–hearted, and good to her, instead of repulsive and violent.
Some people might think that God wouldn't bring a person into someone's life who would treat them well, if the person intends to fornicate with them and live common–law, but this woman is still alive, instead of killed off by another highly dysfunctional boyfriend, and she still has a chance to receive Yehoshua as her Saviour. God is the Holy Judge, and He will pour out His wrath on the Earth's rebels when they have pushed His patience too far, but he is also a God who would rather show mercy than mete out judgment.
I thought about what could have possibly made my friend so vulnerable to a bad man because she liked his sense of humour. This led me to try to figure out why I liked that attribute so much. Perhaps I didn't feel that my parents had been light–hearted enough in our home when I was a child. I wanted more joy. It wasn't really joy that those wisecrackers gave me though; it was just entertainment, a temporary distraction from my troubles, while they sneaked past my defenses and dumped their baggage on me.
I probably prayed for a better sense of humour because I figured people would like me better if I could make them laugh, not just with a quick wit, but also an entertaining style. I am introvert and not inclined towards putting myself forward in the spotlight unless I feel that I have something significant to say or do. People who know me well may have thought I already had a highly–developed sense of humour, but I was not satisfied with what I had. I envied people who could make people crack up with their facial expressions and quips, and nobody misunderstood their jokes and took offense. Therefore I asked God to help me develop my sense of humour more.
God began by helping me sanctify my sense of humour, to cleanse it of raciness, sarcasm, ethnic putdowns, and earthiness. I really have improved in that area, though some may doubt it. My siblings, at least, know the difference, if they can still remember what a foul mouth I had when I was in my teens. Most of my dirty jokes had been eliminated long ago, but I still needed some further work.
God restructured some of my thinking and did some cleansing, but instead of making me become the life of the party, as I visualized, He surprised me by opening my spiritual ears to hear His jokes. Unfortunately, most people don't think that God's jokes are funny, but they really are hilarious.
Yes, God has some really good jokes to tell and He would like it if we would listen to them. I have discovered that nobody can top God in being funny. God's jokes tickle me deeper than anyone else's, but we need to develop a relationship with Him before we can appreciate them. They are "insider" jokes. They are zesty, but sting the flesh. If our flesh has not died yet in the areas where He nails us, we won't think that God's jokes are funny when He joshes us.
A sample of that type of humour occurred when I was reading a book called The Witness of the Stars by E. W. Bullinger. The Bible says in Psalms that the heavens declare God's glory; this is true. The book showed that the constellation of Hydra foretells the destruction of satan. It is shown as a water serpent (leviathan) with Krater in its back (representing the Lake of Fire) and a raven pecking out its eye. The book of Proverbs says that rebels will be killed and their bodies will be left to the birds of the air to feed on. Of course, satan is the ultimate rebel, having started the original rebellion that led to the mess that we have to deal with on our quarantined planet.
I looked at the picture in the book, along with the explanation, and an old song that I learned as a child popped into my mind; Puff, the Magic Dragon. Then in my spirit, I heard the title changed to Snuff the Magic Dragon, as if it were a marquee in lights announcing an upcoming drama. That made me laugh and laugh, because God, of course, would use the whole sky to announce such an event, seeing as it is at His disposal, and satan's destruction is exactly what is going to happen in the grande finale of the war of good against evil.
Okay, either you are laughing because you're really linked up to God right now, or you are not laughing because the Spirit isn't moving on you that way at this time, or you are laughing because you are a lunatic who laughs at anything. It does give you some idea, though, of what I am talking about when I refer to God's jokes.
I never imagined that when I prayed for a better sense of humour God was going to help me appreciate His jokes. He has brought so much joy to me this way. More than if I were an accomplished raconteuse. God's jokes are inspiring and they impart courage. The joy of the Lord is our strength.
What has that got to do with Lust? Well, another of God's jokes is to demonstrate His power through our weakness. I never would have imagined that I could be capable of going for more than twenty years without sex. It absolutely astounds me because I know that it isn't natural for me to be like that. Before I was saved, I drove my boyfriends crazy by crawling all over them, trying to get from them the affection that I wished my parents had given me. And until my husband turned me off by becoming too disrespectful, I very much enjoyed the sexual aspect of marriage. Even after the romance faded, it had enough of a draw to make me put up with misbehaviour from my husband that I should not have tolerated.
When I consider what God has done for me, I see Joseph in a different light than what I used to. I don't think that he refused his master's wife's advances because he was a prim and prissy guy who wasn't interested in sex. I think that it was because his ears were tuned to a more beautiful song than what the sirens sing.
Love seeks to give. Lust drains. It makes unreasonable demands on the other person for their time, attention, resources, and self–respect. Its demands for sex outside the covenant of marriage are arrogant. Nobody is entitled to that privilege unless they have entered into a binding commitment of life–long fidelity.
Evidences of trustworthiness are the fence posts upon which rest the rails of commitment. Within these borders, sexuality can flourish, but it destroys outside of marriage. Proverbs 6:27 asks, "Can a man take fire in his bosom and his clothes not be burned?"
Verse 26 speaks of the draining nature of lust. "For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life." Lust has no pity. It will take the last spark of hope out of life and never give us the satisfaction we crave to the degree we need it. Only God is big enough to fill that void. Lust just leads on to deeper degradation and loss.
Perverted desire longs for the purity it has lost. Eventually, if it is not checked, it devours the most innocent victims, trying to supply its lack. Virgins, young children, little babies, animals, and total self–respect are sacrificed on the unicorn's altar unless depravity is arrested.
The men of Sodom hit rock bottom and supplied the last drop to the cup of God's wrath when they desired sex with the purest of all creatures; God's angels. They were so lost to the reverence of God and coarsened by habitual sin that they still desired to defile Lot's visitors, even after it was revealed that they were supernatural beings from Heaven. The glory of God appeared to them and struck them blind, but they groped for the door, driven by demons that they still welcomed to inhabit them, regardless of this demonstration of God's greater power. Their judgment was just.
This is where Lust can lead to if it is not tamed. It can destroy families and cities and nations. Balaam likened God's strength in leading Israel out of Egypt to that of a unicorn. If one does an in–depth study of the events of the Exodus, they will realize Balaam was speaking of strength on a cosmic scale. My poem, The Moses Memoirs, addresses that topic. Lust has the potential to destroy a whole planet. We need to allow God to harness the unicorn and use our energy to make this world a better place rather than a bitter place.
The heavens declare God's glory. Lust's defeat is written in the stars. Yehoshua is pictured in one of the constellations coming as a conqueror with His foot upon "Lepus" the hare. The hare is symbolic of promiscuity.
The last word in the Old Testament is the prophecy that God shall send the spirit of Elijah (signifying the prophetic ministry) to "turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the Earth with a curse." Lust has alienated parents and children from each other.
Resentful people bring trouble into their lives by showing disrespect towards their parents. Indifferent, belligerent, or whining parents find that they" inherit the wind", as it says in Proverbs 11:29. This is not always due to a spiteful motive. Some people find they have to avoid their parents because they are dangerous or simply too draining. Jails are filled with people who resent their parents and seniors' rest homes are filled with lonely, old people. Parents are not always to blame for this, but it is probably the case more often than people care to admit.
A father's neglect makes deep scars in a child's vulnerable heart. A lot of men have abandoned their children. They have not only done this by bailing out of their marriages, but also by spilling their seed randomly around the world when they are in the armed services, seeking adventures, or taking business trips.
It really is heartless to engage in casual sex with a woman and possibly beget a child who will be raised in the savage world of the streets – to let one's own flesh and blood be exposed to many kinds of predators. I wonder how many men have been astounded when they have stood before God's Throne, and been presented with scores of children whom they were informed that they had sired. What do they say when miserable scenes from their children's lives are paraded before their eyes, and they are asked to account for why they had not been there to provide for their children, protect them, and guide them into good ways?
Broken marriages are epidemic in North America. Many women are desperately trying to give their children security by working outside the home, and doing a valiant job of it. But a child does not get as much of the mother's attention as they need when she has to get kids ready for school, take them to daycare, go to an eight or nine hour job, then pick the kids up from daycare, go home, cook dinner, and try to get some house–keeping done, as well as help the children with their homework, then put them to bed.
Somehow, single parents have to fit shopping for groceries and other necessities into that hectic schedule, as well as get their cars serviced (if they have one), take the kids to appointments, and meet with teachers. I've known single mothers who work two jobs so that they can give their children a middle–class lifestyle. The full–time job is usually at night when the kids are sleeping. They keep up with all their other duties besides. Those poor women walk around in a daze because they don't get more than four hours of sleep a day. It is evil for a man or a woman to abandon their children by leaving their spouse, or engaging in irresponsible behaviour that gets them kicked out, thereby forcing the other parent to carry such a heavy load.
I received some deeper insight on the Scripture that says that a man who does not look after his own is worse than an infidel. Some infidels have a greater sense of decency than some Christians. I read the autobiography of a dancer whose father was not a Christian, but he was a kind–hearted and fair–minded man. He was an engineer and worked out of town a lot. He didn't like to be away from home so much, knowing that his children needed his attention, but he explained to his daughter that he did it so that his children's mother would not have to get an outside job, and lose her feminine, gentle, nurturing, motherly attributes due to the stress of having to do too much.
It is a plague in our society that women who aren't even widows, but have been divorced, have to support their children entirely on their own. Some men are good about paying child support, but their children are living on a much lower income than if their parents had worked out their differences and stayed together.
Besides the security of one parent earning a steady income and the other parent making the home a comfortable place to live, and being on hand to attend to the children's emotional and educational needs, children need their daddies to give them what only a daddy can give them.
Girls wouldn't be so inclined to sleep around with men, if their fathers had been wholesomely affectionate towards them. Boys and young men would not be so vulnerable to homosexual predators if their fathers worked at forming emotional attachments with them, and gave them hugs from time to time.
I heard a woman who was a former lesbian give a talk on homosexuality. She said that it really isn't so much a sexual problem as it is a relational problem. She said that homosexuality results from a person not being able to form an emotional attachment to the parent of the same sex because the parent was emotionally distant. By having sex with someone of the same gender, the person is actually trying to fill a void in their heart that has been left there by the parent.
There are a lot of skills that go into being a good parent. It isn't enough to just provide material things. Bitterness in a child's heart because of neglect or abuse handicaps them. The disrespect that pours out of an aching, empty heart only compounds the problem. A lot of parents have made serious mistakes with their children, and they need to make restitution.
Regardless of how distrustful or indifferent their children may seem to be when the parents try to make restitution, parents must persevere in seeking to restore the relationship. The cycle of abuse must be stopped. The greater responsibility is on the parent to initiate restoration and draw on God's strength and wisdom to bring the cycle to a complete halt. It is either restitution or retribution. The fall–out from broken families could result in disaster on global scale.
Psalm 45:16 tells us that through God it can be done. "Instead of your fathers shall be your children, whom you may make princes in the Earth." We don't have to pass our parents' mistakes on to our kids. We can help them become useful, influential, well–adjusted people with noble character.
By turning to God with all our hearts, and taking hold of His strength, the unicorn can be tamed, as well as anything else that threatens to destroy us as individuals and our families. Yehoshua came to not only wash away our sins, but to also give us the power to not sin.
God will subdue all His enemies. He leaves the choice to us of whether we join with Him and ride His Spirit to victory, or march with demon losers under their satanic banners and join the adversary in the sentence of death that has been set upon him. We don't have to sink down into the cesspool. How shall we escape God's judgment if we neglect such a great salvation, as is offered us through the Anointed Lord Yehoshua? (Hebrews 2:3) The Lion of Judah has prevailed and the shout of a King is among us!
Copyright © 2010, Lanny Townsend
Page modified by Lanny Townsend on April 8, 2010
Scripture references on this website are closely paraphrased from e–Sword's King James Bible.