Taming the Unicorn
Chapter Six – Love Rekindled
Risky stuff can become risqué stuff. People who want to be pure need to be careful to not put themselves in risky situations. A man I dated in my teens tried many times to prove to himself that he had control over his libido. He frequently placed himself in situations where he could have gone to bed with a girl, to demonstrate that he had the power to not give in to his inclinations.
He boasted to me about how he had picked up a hitchhiker when he was out of town on a construction job. He brought her to his motel room and let her roll out her sleeping bag on the floor. He had a very engaging personality. The girl wanted to sleep with him, but he didn't go near her all night. She kept saying as she lay in her bedroll on the floor, "I can't believe this."
The next day, the other men whom he worked with heard from the incredulous girl that he hadn't slept with her, and they were really amazed. He was so proud of what a "good witness" he was to his co–workers. Lurking in the background, the unicorn probably snickered.
It would have been a better witness if, in his concern for her safety that night, he had rented a different room for her; he could have afforded it. Failing that, it would have been more gentlemanly to let her have the bed while he slept on the floor. But this wasn't about being kind or gentlemanly, or even about being a good witness. This was about his ego.
Experiences like that made him overconfident. He would figure that his lust problem was conquered, and then he would stay overnight at the invitation of various women, supposing that he was going to sleep on the couch and behave himself. Of course, he didn't, and then he would kick himself around the block because he had failed once again.
It was his pride that kept doing him in. Real strength is having the humility to know where one's weaknesses are, and having the sense to not skate where the ice is thin. Wisdom would have unmarried men and women keep company with each other only in public until they marry.
I probably could not have stayed single for long if I had never been married before. When I was young, I thought that marriage, as long as it was to someone whom I was attracted to, was a great, glittering prize that would ensure my happiness and demonstrate to the world that someone valued me. Never having been married before, it was a mystery that I thought I had to experience and find out what it was all about.
As a divorceé, however, I know that marriage is not a big deal if both parties are not steadily growing closer to God, and therefore closer to each other. There is also a lot more stress than what there has to be if the parties are not compatible with each other.
My husband and I didn't move on with God, and that made for a very boring marriage. After I decided that I would like to get married again, I wanted to make sure it was to the right person because I can't see any point in getting married just for the sake of getting married, and then going through mediocrity or abuse all over again after having escaped them. Also, after my divorce, God showed me that He values me just as much as when I am single as He does when I am married. It makes no difference to Him what my last name is, or if it says Miss or Ms. or Mrs. in front of it.
I have had an advantage, though, that helped me remain single. I have children. Many times when my kids were in their teens and out of control, I wished I had a man to help me with them, or to hold me in his arms and let me cry when nobody could do anything with them. But I did not have to worry that my biological clock was ticking and that I might never know what it was like to give birth. So, when I give advice about appreciating the single life, I am well aware that my experience is not as tough as what it is for people who have never married or had children.
My children gave me some bright moments even in the darkest times, and then greater frequency of those bright moments as they developed in emotional maturity and life skills. Now I have three grandchildren who make me feel that I am very rich indeed, in spite of problems in life that I have to deal with.
I would rather never marry again, than settle for less than what I am trusting God for. My standards got raised even higher after hearing Georgian Banov testify about what God did in his marriage. Georgian used to play with a band called "Silverwind" and he wrote the popular children's song Bullfrogs and Butterflies. He said that after seventeen years of marriage, he was ready to call it quits with his wife.
When he first started out in his music ministry, Winnie wasn't involved in it much, but his band members told him that he had to give her something to do because she was just hanging around at a loose end. He set her to work helping to organize their concerts. After the services, people would throng him while she was ignored. He was too busy enjoying the adulation to be sensitive to her needs.
Eventually, Winnie refused to travel with him anymore because she was so disillusioned by the hypocrisy that she saw among some of the ministers in various churches that they were invited to. She became bitter and her heart was cold towards the Lord.
Georgian talked to the Lord about this, telling Him that his wife couldn't keep up to him, and he wondered what was the use of being married to her anymore. The Lord asked him, "Georgian, do you love your wife like Christ loved the Church?" He said that when he thought before about this Scripture in relation to his wife, he would think, "Yeah, if a bus were coming along and it was going to hit Winnie, I would push her out of the way and let myself be run over instead." He always knew, however, that the Lord referred in this verse to a man serving his wife on a daily basis by dying to his own selfish desires.
Georgian got honest and admitted to the Lord that he really didn't love his wife like Christ loved the Church. God then asked him, "Well, could you at least tell her that you love her like Christ loved the Church?" Georgian thought about it and decided that, yes, if God wanted him to say that with his mouth, he would do as he was asked.
Georgian invited Winnie to go out for coffee with him, and he took her to her favourite bistro. He waited until she had taken a few sips of her latté, and then he said to her, "Winnie, I love you like Christ loves the Church – and if we can't do this ministry together, then I won't do it at all."
Winnie burst into tears while Georgian sat there in shock. He hadn't meant to say the last part; it had just popped out of his mouth after he obeyed the Lord to say the first part. He realized, though, that he meant it. As for Winnie, she cried for three days straight, and then she told him that she wanted for them to continue with the ministry.
Right after this, God visited Winnie in marvellous ways, and Georgian became quite envious. She saw angels. God gave her wonderful revelations. She frequently fell down under the power of the Holy Ghost in their home. Georgian said that he prayed for her every day that God would get her drunk in the Holy Ghost. He said that he has discovered that getting drunk in the Holy Ghost is the best thing for a marriage. Eventually, after seeking a long time for himself to get what Winnie was receiving from God, Georgian experienced frequent refreshing from the Lord, as well.
I was impressed when he said that he takes notes when his wife tells him what the Lord has been teaching her. Wow! Most men need God to hit them over the head with a 2 x 4 board to get them to pay attention to what their wives have to say. He said that Winnie inspires him more than Rodney Howard–Browne and all of his brothers put together.
Georgian went on to say that sometimes pastors criticize his wife because of how the Holy Spirit chooses to manifest Himself in unusual ways through her, and that they aren't asked to minister in as many places as they used to be. This is fine with them because they stay and minister longer in the various places where they are invited, which gives them a chance to get to know the people better and enjoy their fellowship longer.
Georgian related how one time when a pastor began to berate them after church for Winnie's behaviour under the anointing, Georgian gave Winnie $50.00 and said, "Sweetheart, here's some money. There's a mall across the street; you go and enjoy yourself." Then as soon as she was gone, he turned on the pastor and chewed him out for trying to quench the Holy Ghost. He said in conclusion, "I guard my wife's anointing."
After hearing this, I thought, "That does it. I'm raising the bar. I want a husband who will guard my anointing, not one who will be embarrassed over my liberty in the Lord, or hold me back when I'm supposed to go forward."
I spoke to Georgian and Winnie after the meeting where he testified. It had been three years since their marriage was restored. They sat close together on the floor, looking up at me like a couple of high school sweethearts with smiles on their glowing faces. Twenty years married and in love again after having been ready to give up. Wow! It was wonderful to see what the Lord can do when a man decides to love his wife like Christ loves the Church.
If God's people will look for a true love, rather than overlook serious flaws in someone so that they can gratify their lust, they will be happier in their marriage. And those who are already married, if you will appreciate your spouse, instead of focussing on minor flaws and demanding that those things be eliminated so that your spouse will meet your picky expectations, your marriage can become sweet. If there are big issues in the marriage, God's strength enables us to forgive serious offenses and praying through for the erring spouse to overcome their flaws will take your marriage deep into the miraculous.
Being committed to doing God's will in our marriage or our singlehood makes us less inclined to respond to the treacherous summons of the unicorn when it invites us to follow it to deceptively greener pastures.
Click below to read:
Taming the Unicorn, Chapter 7